I never believed my wife could betray me until I visited the doctor…
DEAR DEIDRE: DISCOVERING that my wife has been having an affair was painful enough – now it turns out she has given me an STI too.
She has lied for months, and now I’m not sure that I will ever be able to forgive her for putting my health at risk like this.
I’m 46 and she’s 42. We have been married for nine years and together for 12.
The last few years have been quite difficult. We’ve been arguing more than usual and our lack of intimacy has been causing us problems.
But despite all of our issues, I thought that we would always find a way to work it out.
After all, I love her and can’t imagine a life without her.
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Yet everything shifted one day when I visited the doctor.
I’d been experiencing a burning sensation every time I went to the toilet and thought I might have a UTI, but to my surprise, my doctor broke the news to me that I had contracted gonorrhoea.
Initially, when I confronted her she tried to deny it, but eventually she admitted it when I showed her my positive results.
She told me she had been sleeping with a married man she met at work but assured me that it was over now.
Ever since, I’ve struggled to look at her in the same way.
The worst part is that she’s now been named as a co-respondent in his divorce case.
I feel so betrayed. How can I move on from this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Feeling angry and betrayed is completely normal, especially considering that your wife has put your health at risk.
Fortunately, you started to display some symptoms so discovered the truth – some men (approximately one in ten) don’t have any symptoms.
Until it has cleared up, refrain from having any form of sex – and then, make sure to use protection.
If your relationship has any chance of surviving this, you need to work on rebuilding your trust.
Talk to her and explain your feelings so you can see if there is a way forward together.
My support packs Cheating, Can You Get Over It? and Looking After Your Relationship will help with this.
You can also find support through Tavistock Relationships (, 020 7380 1960).
