My partner hangs out with his teenage daughter’s friends – I find it weird
DEAR DEIDRE: I FIND it weird that my partner hangs around with his teenage daughter’s friends, even when she isn’t there.
There’s nothing to suggest anything inappropriate is going on, but I don’t understand why he prefers spending time with young girls to being with me.
My partner is 42, I’m 40. His daughter is 16. He split up with her mum about six years ago, a year before we met.
His daughter comes to stay with us every other weekend and during the holidays.
I understand he loves her and wants to spend as much time with her as possible.
And I get that at her age, she wants to be with her mates too, so often invites them round.
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But he goes out of his way to give them lifts and sometimes he buys them takeaways and sweets.
They message him and he messages back. This all happens even when his daughter is at her mum’s house.
I think he likes the attention, and now thinks of them as his mates, but it feels wrong to me.
He’s a grown man – why is he socialising with teenagers?
When I complained, he said I was being jealous.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This does sound like an unusual situation, and you’re right to be concerned.
Perhaps he’s trying to relive his youth through these girls.
Or maybe he thinks that he’s found a way to connect with his daughter.
Either way, he’s leaving himself vulnerable to accusations of abuse. One of the girls might develop a crush on him, for example.
He needs to start acting like a father and focus his attention on you and your relationship. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you talk to him about this.
You say you don’t think anything inappropriate is going on, but reading between the lines it seems like you aren’t comfortable with this situation.
If you have any worries that a child might be at risk, you can contact Stop It Now (, 0808 1000 900) in confidence.
My support packs, Worried A Child Is At Risk and Protecting Kids From Abuse, can help.
