The fear of catching HIV is preventing me from exploring my sexuality

DEAR DEIDRE: THE fear of catching HIV is stopping me from having a gay sexual relationship.

Even though I know it’s not as serious as it used to be because there are good drug treatments, I’m terrified I’ll get sick.

I’m 26 and have never slept with a man, but I’m pretty sure I’m gay as I am attracted to guys, not girls.

The idea of kissing a bloke excites me. I’ve snogged girls and felt nothing. But how will I know if I’m really gay until I get intimate with a fella?

I have been messaging men on gay dating sites, but as soon as they suggest meeting up I get scared and block them.

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I feel so confused about my sexuality and I’m sick of people asking me if I have a girlfriend.

How can I get over this fear and let myself have sex so I know who I am?

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds to me as if you are struggling with your sexual identity.

Perhaps you’re not yet ready to embark on a gay sexual relationship, which is why you’re scaring yourself with the thought of catching HIV.

It’s possible to have safe gay sex using condoms, and there are also prophylactic treatments now too, if someone is put at risk of HIV.

Check out The Terrence Higgins Trust (, 0808 802 1221).
It would really assist you to talk to someone.

My help pack, Gay Support, details understanding organisations.

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