My lover thinks my partner and I don’t have sex – this news will blow my cover
DEAR DEIDRE: AM having an affair with a woman at work while my girlfriend is pregnant with our baby.
As I lied and told my lover I’d stopped having sex with my partner, she’s going to go ballistic when she finds out.
I love both women and don’t want to mess up my chances of being a dad.
I’m 30 and my girlfriend is 29. My lover is 34.
I’ve been with my girlfriend since we were at school, so haven’t had much experience with other women.
When a colleague came on to me at the Christmas party last year, I was very flattered.
I was also very drunk. I ended up going back to her place and having sex.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
I thought it was a one-night stand, but then I kept being tempted by her.
The fact this was secret made it even more exciting. But I knew it was wrong and kept meaning to break it off.
I didn’t expect to develop real feelings for my lover. Then, last week, my girlfriend announced she was pregnant.
It wasn’t planned but I was so happy. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. She has no idea I’ve been having an affair.
I know if she finds out, she’d be so hurt and leave me — and probably make it hard for me to see my kid.
My lover thinks my girlfriend and I are on the brink of splitting up.
I know I can’t have both women and the baby too. But I’m scared I’ll end up losing all of them.
I’ve made such a mess of everything. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Think deeply about what you want.
If you love your girlfriend, then you need to break off your affair and put all your effort into your relationship.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, might help you to work on your problems.
Another one called Torn Between Two Women contains advice relevant to your situation.
Whether or not you tell your girlfriend about the affair is up to you. It may come out at a later date. But be aware she’s pregnant and any extra stress will not be helpful.
However, if you’d rather be with your lover, then you can’t stay with your girlfriend just because she is having your baby.
That wouldn’t be fair on her or the child.
You can still be an involved dad, and you have an obligation to provide financially for your son or daughter.
Most read in Dear Deidre
Pictures posed by models.