My partner keeps dragging me to bed but I’m worried her motives are sinister…
DEAR DEIDRE: ONE minute, my partner is sex-crazed and demanding lots of loving, the next, she’s picking fights.
I’m worried she might be trying to get pregnant even though I’ve said I’m not ready.
I love her and think I’m a good partner, so I don’t understand why she seems so angry.
I’m 32 and she’s 34. We’ve been living together for two years.
Everything was going great until her best mate got pregnant. My partner came off the call and burst into tears.
She explained she’d always thought she’d have a baby at the same time as her best friend so their kids could grow up together.
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Then she said she wanted a baby too. It came out of the blue.
I explained that while I do want to have kids one day, I’m not ready yet. I thought that was fair and honest.
Since then, she’s been acting weird. She’s often very distant, but at other times she’s over-affectionate, practically dragging me into bed.
At first, it was a real turn-on. What red-blooded male doesn’t want his gorgeous partner to make him feel irresistible?
But then I realised it didn’t feel right. She’s on the Pill, but I’m worried she might stop taking it — or that she has already. So, last time we had sex, I insisted on condoms.
Our whole relationship has changed. Nothing feels natural any more.
Every time I try to discuss this, it just seems to make her even more upset. She says, “If you can’t see there is a problem, what’s the point?”.
But I’m not a mind-reader.
DEIDRE SAYS: Relationships are constantly challenged as people grow and change. You and your partner are no longer on the same page.
She desperately wants a baby it seems and you don’t. It’s the elephant in the room.
If you suspect she’s deliberately trying to get pregnant, you need to talk to her – and keep insisting on the condoms.
She’d be extremely foolish to try to trap you into having a baby when you aren’t ready. It would destroy your relationship and potentially be detrimental to the baby’s life.
But even if she isn’t doing that, the fact you suspect it shows you no longer trust her.
Your relationship would benefit from a safe space to discuss this. My Counselling support pack tells you more and where to access couples therapy.
