I drunkenly lashed out at my partner but I fear he doesn’t want me back

DEAR DEIDRE: I BITTERLY regret lashing out at my partner after I had been drinking all afternoon.

I’m a 54-year-old gay man and my boyfriend is 56. Our relationship has had many ups and downs, mainly because I’m volatile.

On many occasions he has found emails and texts that have shown him I have been straying. The latest one was very recent.

He was very calm when he asked me about it and suggested that perhaps I wanted an open relationship.

That is the last thing I want. I think I stray because I like the excitement.

My partner is caring for his elderly mother at the moment and as he left our flat to go and see her, I had a go at him in the street.

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I was nasty – verbally aggressive – and then punched him in a drunken rage.

He calmly got into his car and drove off. Later he texted, saying we were over and for me not to contact him again.

I was mortified but packed a suitcase and left him a note saying how very sorry I was.

I love him but I don’t think he is going to change his mind.

DEIDRE SAYS: There is never an excuse for violence, but alcohol played a major role in this.

It affects the part of our brain that controls our emotions.

This puts us at risk of getting into arguments and becoming aggressive or violent.

You lashed out and scared him. That lack of self-control should be worrying you, too.

For now, get help to understand where your rage comes from.

My support pack on Managing Anger explains self-help and expert treatment.

My support pack Drink Problem provides sources of assistance. Asking for help is a powerful first step towards taking control of your life.

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