My husband’s multiple Spanish trips were an excuse for his affair – I’m devastated
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT my husband was checking out Spain for a potential move – but his multiple trips were just an excuse for an affair.
He has spent six months flying back and forth, telling me he was looking for the perfect place for us.
Instead he’s been having sex with the estate agent who was meant to be finding our dream home.
At first we flew out together and I was impressed with how efficient and knowledgeable she was.
It didn’t escape my notice that she was a good-looking woman and my husband clearly thought the same.
Two months ago I found explicit pictures of them and even a sex video.
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I was devastated and when I confronted my husband, he announced straight away he was still moving to Spain — without me.
He is 49 and I am 47. We have been married for nine years. This is my second marriage. My first was when I was only 21.
I have a 19-year-old son from that first marriage, and my second husband’s son and my lad played for the same football team.
We would often see each other at matches and were always flirting, and quickly fell in love.
Soon we began texting every day and inevitably became lovers. We’d have the most amazing sex. We married two years later and I thought my future with him was secure.
But now he’s gone to his brother’s and plans to move to Spain in three months.
I love him very much and want him back in my life. He is still wearing his wedding ring.
But I am unsure whether I should walk away, or fight for him?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand your devastation but I am worried you are clutching at straws.
Your husband might still be wearing his wedding ring but the rest of his behaviour suggests he is determined to move out to Spain with this other woman.
The only way you can know for sure if he regrets his affair is to talk to him.
If he says he does, and you are both prepared to work hard at rebuilding your relationship, there is a chance for you.
But please don’t put your life on hold hoping he will come back and change his mind.
If he can’t commit to you 100 per cent, then it would be best for you to accept it is over and start rebuilding your life.
My support packs Cheating – Can You Get Over It? and Moving On will help you.
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Pictures posed by models.