My mother’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer – but refuses to see me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer but refuses to see me when I try to visit.

I’m her 41-year-old son and she is 75.

It’s been five years since she and my sister, who is 44, stopped speaking to me after they found out I sold some of Mum’s precious antiques that were hidden in the loft.

I was in a bad place at the time and was addicted to class A drugs.

I’m proud to say I’ve been clean for two years after seeking help for my addiction.

Since my uncle broke the news that Mum has Stage 4 cancer, I’ve been beside myself with guilt.

I only want to make things right but she and my sister dismiss me as “that thief”. When I went to the hospital my sister turned me away.

She said Mum wants nothing to do with me.

They’ve given my name to the hospital to ensure I’m not granted access.

I think Mum would be proud if she gave me half a chance.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve done so well to turn your life around and naturally you would love your mum and sister to acknowledge that, as well as your attempts to make things right.

It sounds like your sister is very protective of your mum, especially now that she has terminal cancer.

Perhaps it would make sense to attempt to repair the relationship with your sister first.

It sounds like you both love your mum very much and with this common ground I’m sure there’s hope for repair.

Can you write them both a letter explaining how much you regret your past and how you miss them and have worked hard to change?

You might not get an immediate response, but hopefully your words will give them food for thought.

Until then, approach the group Stand Alone (standalone.org.uk) for help – they support estranged adult family members.