I’ve wasted 25 years of my life on a man who won’t commit to me
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been with my partner for 25 years, on and off, but he still won’t commit.
I’ve started to think I’ve wasted my life on him, yet I can’t imagine not having him in my world.
I’m 55 and he is 57. When we first met, a quarter of a century ago, I was married to someone else.
We had a three-year affair and I actually left my husband for him. But months went by, and he wouldn’t move in with me or introduce me to his family.
It was clear he had a commitment problem, and so, eventually, I walked away.
Then, eight years ago, we met again. The spark was still there, as strong as ever. But this time, he was married, while I was single.
We started another affair, spending as much time together as we could.
He’s got to know my family, joined me for a wedding, family dinners, even my daughter’s graduation.
And I’ve helped him with career decisions and health problems. But he still won’t commit.
He says he doesn’t love his wife and hasn’t slept with her for years yet he can’t leave her.
One day, he promises, he will. I now fear that day will never come. He says he loves me but it’s not enough. I want him 100 per cent of the time.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Actions speak louder than words and I’m afraid your lover has made his intentions clear.
He knows how much you love him. You left your husband for him and went back to him despite his past lack of commitment.
And you have put up with being his part-time lover for eight long years. He has no incentive to leave his wife.
However, you’re clearly unhappy and you deserve to be with someone who loves you 100 per cent too.
If he really were your soulmate, he’d have no trouble committing to you.
Read my support packs, Your Lover Not Free? and Addictive Love, and think about talking with a counsellor.
