I’m stuck in a lesbian relationship after my husband gave me the green light
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my husband gave me a free pass to explore my bisexuality, I was so excited.
But my extra-marital relationship hasn’t lived up to my expectations.
One year on and I’m stuck in a relationship with someone I don’t have any feelings for.
Deep down, I know honesty is the best policy, but every time I try to break things off I crumble under pressure.
I’m 34, my husband is 37 and we’ve been together for seven years.
Throughout our entire relationship, I’d always been open and honest about my bisexuality.
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I’d never had a chance to fully explore it before and, even though I knew that he was accepting, I was still taken aback when he gave me the green light to experiment.
At first, I felt overwhelmed, but after some reflection I decided to take the plunge.
After spontaneously downloading a dating app, I arranged a date with a beautiful woman.
From the moment we met, we hit it off, and before I knew it we were back at her house making our way up the stairs to her bedroom.
We had such great fun together and both wanted to continue seeing each other.
To me, it was clear that it was a casual arrangement, and I thought she understood that too. But a few months later she confessed that she had developed strong feelings for me.
I should have been honest but at that moment I stupidly told her I felt the same.
Ever since, I’ve felt too guilty to tell her the truth.
She often tells me how happy I make her and that she can’t imagine her life without me.
I feel so stuck. I know that it’s unfair to lead her on, but the last thing I want to do is hurt her.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You said it yourself – honesty is the best policy. The longer you leave it and avoid telling her the truth, the more you’re going to hurt her.
Ultimately, you’re only putting off the inevitable. Better to tell her now, than waste more of her time.
I’m sending you my support pack, called Ending A Relationship, which will help you.
This would be a good time to check in with your husband and concentrate on your marriage.
Any relationship that takes away the focus from your marriage is potentially very damaging.
Make sure you are communicating clearly about what you want and need from each other.
