I am heavily pregnant and an attention seeking woman says she has been having sex with my partner
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M heavily pregnant with our third child and a known liar has just told me she’s been having sex with my partner for four years.
This woman has been lurking in the shadows of our life for over six years but I had always dismissed her as an attention seeker.
My boyfriend told me not to trust anything she said and locally she was known as a total fantasist.
But there is something about her latest claim that is unsettling me.
I’m 34 and my partner’s 35. We’ve been together for 15 years and have two boys aged ten and eight.
This woman, 29, has form for lying about having famous friends, dating rich and powerful men and for going behind the backs of female friends with their husbands.
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But six years ago my partner admitted to “an emotional affair” with her.
They both insisted nothing physical happened between them, but they had exchanged messages telling one another they loved each other.
It broke my heart and I didn’t think things would ever be the same.
Still, I chose to stay with him. Since then I have caught him a handful of times speaking to her (always at her instigation, he says).
He always insisted there was nothing emotional or sexual to it and she has chased him every step of the way.
I thought we had moved on and was looking forward to welcoming our baby until this bombshell news.
She says he doesn’t love me and wants to be with her.
My partner denied all of this, saying she was jealous.
I am just utterly confused.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry you are in such turmoil when you should be looking forward to the birth of your baby.
For many people, an emotional affair is very like a sexual affair with feelings of betrayal and mistrust.
It sounds as if this woman hasn’t accepted that your partner wants nothing more to do with her and is determined to ruin your future.
You can get through this but don’t waste your energies on blaming the girl who fell for your partner.
He’s the one who has hurt you.
He must accept it’s his problem and make amends.
And he must block her number and cease all communication to help regain your trust.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you to think this through.