I caught my wife having an affair with the carer who’s supposed to be looking after her mum – I’m heartbroken
DEAR DEIDRE: I WALKED in on my wife kissing the carer who is supposed to be looking after her mother.
It’s an image I can’t shake from my mind.
I’m 51, my wife is 48 and we’ve been married for 15 years. I thought we were happy — then my world came crashing down.
My mother-in-law is 71 and amazing.
She cycled everywhere but unfortunately was knocked off her bike three months ago.
Thankfully, the doctors feel she is making good progress but a full recovery will take time.
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While she recovers, we organised for her to go into a home so that she can benefit from round-the-clock assistance.
We were so impressed with her care, especially the main person looking after her.
He’s very funny and reassuring, and relatively young at 38.
It didn’t go unnoticed that he’s also very good looking. My wife and I were always joking that my mother-in-law was taking her time to recover so she could spend more time with him.
Then my wife started coming back from the home wearing her best clothes with full make-up and nice perfume. I wasn’t complaining.
Every time I suggested visiting, she’d tell me not to bother.
But one evening, I was working nearby so I decided to call in.
Unusually, my mum-in-law’s bedroom door was closed.
When I walked in, my wife didn’t even hear me. She was too tied up in kissing the carer.
She’s admitted they’ve been having an affair and said they’d had sex twice in his flat nearby.
She apologised but I’m heartbroken. Can we recover from this?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, if you both want it to work. It’s no excuse but I often hear of people cheating after going through a trauma or bereavement.
If the affair is over and she’s determined to commit again to the marriage, then you may want to give her a second chance. But you’ll have to work on what went wrong for her.
Before her mother’s accident, what were things like? Did you still have date nights? Was your sex life good? Where can you both make improvements?
A couples’ counsellor can help. Check out tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975). My support pack on cheating will help you both too.
