My partner says he’s not a cheater but I’ve seen the dirty messages he sends his ex-wife
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner says romance and passion don’t come naturally to him – but I’ve found endless messages where he’s proclaimed his love to his ex-wife, and sexted her.
So clearly he is quite capable of being loving — just not with me, his girlfriend.
He and I are both divorcees.
He is 44 and I’m 39.
We got together quite soon after his separation.
Our divorces were each quite different.
READ MORE ON DEAR DEIDRE
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
Mine was amicable and mutual, whilst his was very messy.
We’ve been together for two years now.
We have sex but it’s not the most passionate I’ve ever experienced.
Still, we get on well and I thought we were happy.
Most read in The Sun
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, and often fantasise that he would do something wild and daring that demonstrates the depth of his feelings.
I’ve told him that I need more romance, but he just books a restaurant or grabs a bunch of garage flowers and thinks he’s off the hook.
After months of this I realised I needed to accept that romance just isn’t his love language.
That was until one day I was transferring some holiday photos from his phone to the desktop.
The computer ended up backing up all his files from his phone and something tempted me to delve.
I ended up finding old conversations between my partner and his ex-wife that were extremely romantic.
He’d even written her poems.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
My partner has never done anything this romantic, and any time I’ve asked, he has made out that he hasn’t a romantic bone in his body.
One old message detailed him laying out a sexy outfit on the bed. which was covered in rose petals.
He sent her a photo while she was at work and it read: “Hurry on home, I’ve got plans for you.”
He’d also sent her topless and fully naked messages and she had replied in kind.
A part of me wished I hadn’t looked, because since I did I can’t help but question if my partner is even attracted to me.
I’m so jealous about their past, and wondering what she has that I don’t?
I want to say something, but he’ll go mad if he finds out I went through his phone.
DEIDRE SAYS: All relationships are different.
Perhaps he’s still re-adjusting from the separation.
You mentioned it was a messy divorce and that can sometimes affect the way people interact with others, even those we love.
Don’t stay in a relationship that makes you feel worthless.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
It may also be time to consider whether this relationship has run its course.
You may find it helpful to talk it through with someone outside the situation, and my support packs on How Counselling Works and How To Deal With Jealousy can help.