I’m desperate for a baby but my partner says no – so I’ve secretly ditched the Pill
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is against the idea of having a baby – but I want one, so I have secretly come off contraception and we’re still having lots of sex.
I realise it’s a gamble but I’m hoping that he’ll warm to the idea once I get pregnant.
For many years my career has been my priority, but at 38, it’s dawned on me that the clock is ticking.
My partner is 45 and we’ve been together for three years.
He has twins from his previous marriage and he’s such a great dad.
When I see him and his children together, I yearn for a family life for us too.
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I’ve told him how broody I am, but he laughs it off and tells me not to get any ideas.
Last month I told him how serious I am and he completely freaked out.
He says we’re too old, but it’s just not true.
Many people chose to have children later in life.
I called him selfish and went to stay with my mum for a week.
When I returned we spoke briefly about our dispute, but he maintained his position on the matter and said I should be content with being a step-mother to his children.
I enjoy being a step-mother, but I long for a child of my own.
We’d make beautiful babies, so if an unplanned pregnancy should happen, I’m sure he’ll come round to the idea.
I’ve come off contraception and I’ve started buying baby clothes in secret.
I know it’s deceitful, but I feel like it’s my only option right now.
I don’t want to lose him, but what choice do I have?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I sympathise with your desire to be a mother but tricking your partner into taking on a responsibility that he hasn’t agreed to could backfire and potentially leave you to raise your child alone.
Are you ready for that?
You say you feel like you have no other choice but there are healthier ways to ensure the best outcome for everyone involved.
Find a moment to speak again with your partner with the help of a relationship counsellor.
Come clean to your partner that you have stopped taking contraception.
Ask him if he feels comfortable with that.
If he doesn’t, then you have to respect his wishes and potentially end the relationship and look to find a partner who wants the same things as you.
Have a read of my support packs How Counselling Can Help and Finding The Right Partner For You. They should be helpful.
