I blame my sister for our mother’s death – she could have done more
DEAR DEIDRE: I VISITED my mother on Mother’s Day and found her barely conscious in bed.
I called an ambulance and she was taken to hospital. But I’m heartbroken as she died 48 hours later from sepsis brought on by having a urine infection.
I can’t help but blame my sister who lives near Mum and should have been checking on her.
I’m a man of 52 and I’m struggling to cope.
Mum shouldn’t have died like this. She was only 75. She had always been so active and involved in the community.
Mum had said she had “been off-colour”, but why didn’t my sister know? She lives three streets away from her, but she’s always too busy with her own family to spend any time with Mum.
My wife and I live 80 miles away and I work full-time, so I always plan my visits in advance.
My sister and her grown-up kids did nothing for my mother. Now she’s gone, they are all crying over her.
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The funeral is imminent and I can’t bear the hypocrisy.
If they really cared for her they should have shown up when she was alive – not just to her funeral. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.
I can’t get out of my head how ghastly she looked when I opened the bedroom door and I don’t think I can ever forgive my sister for not doing more.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry to hear what your mother went through. Your sister is probably feeling wretched about it.
She probably didn’t know how ill your mother truly was.
Holding a grudge won’t help you to feel better but some professional counselling gives you the chance to talk about your feelings and come to terms with what’s happened.
Contact Sue Ryders ( 0808 164 4572), a charity that offers six weeks of free bereavement counselling.
