I wasted 20 years of my life having an affair – I gave up my marriage, kids and career
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE wasted 20 years of my life having an affair with a married man.
To begin with our relationship was all about the sex — he seemed so experienced and self-assured I couldn’t get enough of him.
I gave up everything to be with him — marriage, children, even my career. Over the years I tried several times to walk away but I could never stay away.
I’m 41, he’s 59 and we met at work when I started my first full-time job fresh out of university.
He was my boss, and we hit it off straight away.
I was single and although he was married, he said things weren’t great at home. It didn’t take long before we were having a hot, steamy affair.
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At that point, I was determined to build a life for myself.
I hadn’t expected things to last between us, because it was obvious he adored his kids.
However, as time went by our affair intensified and my feelings for him deepened. He never made promises that he would leave his wife, but I thought that if I could make him love me enough he would end his marriage.
I loved him too much and the thought of losing him became too much to bear.
Flash forward 20 years and I’m finally realising that I have given him my entire life and sacrificed my own future.
I turned down career opportunities so I could stay close to him and when genuine men showed interest in me I didn’t give them the time of day.
I can’t help but feel like I threw away my entire life, and now I’m worried it’s too late.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: At the age of 41 your life is far from over.
You are now beginning to understand this relationship has no future.
Yes, it has taken you 20 years to get to this point, but think of this as a beginning, rather than an end.
You will take many lessons from this experience and will now know more than ever what you want from life.
Now is the time to start living the life you want.
This man has been having the best of both his worlds, while you put everything on hold.
In the long run, you will be far happier if you moved on.
Read my support packs Your Lover Not Free and Addictive Love, which will help you to make the break.
