I’m secretly back with my abusive ex after he quit taking steroids
DEAR DEIDRE: MY abusive ex is back in my life but he’s different this time. How do I tell my family that he’s changed?
We are both 31 and met when he delivered a pizza to my flat. I then bumped into him down my local.
We got on brilliantly and had lots in common.
After dating for three months, he moved in with me, but then things changed.
He had a dark side. He was a gym fanatic and took steroids.
They gave him big mood swings or ‘roid-rage’ as it’s called.
One night he really frightened me, yelling at me and smashing things up in my flat. I ran to my parents’ house and my mum called the police.
My dad came back with me and together, we kicked him out. I met him again three months ago.
He’d really changed. He no longer took steroids, in fact, he’d quit the gym all together.
He now runs to keep fit and he’s training to be a teacher.
I couldn’t believe somebody could change so much. We’ve been dating in secret.
I’m scared to tell my parents he’s back in my life.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are going to have to be honest. If this guy seriously has changed, then there’s no reason not to give him a second chance.
In a quiet moment, explain to your parents that you’ve met him and he’s off the steroids and his violent tantrums have gone.
Explain he seems to be turning his life around but you’re not going to rush anything.
Ask if they’d be prepared to meet him in the near future.
You can then decide if this relationship can go the distance.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself has tips to help explain that you’re taking this one day at a time. And please do take your time.
Three months isn’t long enough to be sure he really has changed.
