I’ve been with girlfriend for a year but she still doesn’t want to be official – should I end the relationship?
DEAR DEIDRE: WE’VE been together for a year, but my girlfriend still won’t commit.
Should I end it? We spent Christmas together, sleep over most nights at each other’s homes and have met each other’s families and friends, yet she says we’re not in a relationship.
I’m 34 and she’s 32.
Whenever I introduce her to someone as my girlfriend, she gets annoyed.
Afterwards, we’ll row because she’ll say we’re just “dating”.
She can’t explain why she’s not ready yet, or what has to change for this to happen.
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It makes me feel I can’t trust her or rely on her to stick around.
I love her and know she’s been hurt in the past.
But I really don’t want to waste my time with a commitment-phobe.
Surely she must know by now if she sees a future with me, or not. Am I being taken for a fool?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound like she’s scared and self-protective, after being hurt in the past.
If she is feeling under pressure, this may be counterproductive.
Try to be patient. Don’t mention the word commitment again for a while. Let trust build.
Apart from refusing to be official, does she give you any other reason to feel insecure?
Being happy together is more important than the word you use to define it.
