I’m terrified that my boozy work do fling is my baby’s dad… should I tell my boyfriend?
I got drunk and had sex with a colleague at a work party and now I'm pregnant and don't know who the father is
Dear Deidre
I’M pregnant after a five-minute fling and really want the baby to be my boyfriend’s.
But I keep fretting it’s the other guy’s.
I am 26. I had a series of failed relationships then met my current boyfriend 18 months ago.
We met in our local supermarket after seeing each other there the previous week and he joked about meeting this way. He said he was glad he’d seen me again and asked me out for a drink.
He is 30, has a good job and is great company. We fell in love almost straight away.
After six months we moved in together and we have been really happy. We both want kids so have always had unprotected sex.
I had hoped I would get pregnant straight away but we were having fun anyway.
Then I went to a colleague’s leaving do and got hammered. I don’t drink a lot so miscalculated how much booze I could take.
A guy I work with has always fancied me though he’s not my type. He’s 25. He started chatting me up and we danced.
Then we went outside and he started coming on to me. I was drunk and kissed him back.
We got carried away and he started to have sex with me. It lasted all of five minutes before I stopped as I knew it was wrong. I’m pretty sure he didn’t finish. I felt awful.
Then I missed my period and a pregnancy test was positive. My boyfriend and I were ecstatic.
At my scan I got a due date and then realised it could be the other guy’s baby. I am so scared.
When the guy at work found out I was pregnant, I told him it was my boyfriend’s.
My boyfriend would be devastated if he knew this might not be his baby.
DEIDRE SAYS: Guilt could be making you worry needlessly.
Many people misunderstand pregnancy dating. The due date will have been calculated from the day of your last period not when you conceived.
Talk to your doctor or midwife to reassure you. Chances are slim you got pregnant that night and your anxiety now is probably partly down to your changing hormone levels.
You and your boyfriend are ready and excited to be parents and having two loving parents is the best start for any child to come into the world.
If you’re still worried, DNA testing once the baby is here is the only way to be certain but think carefully about this. Get advice from Cellmark (, 08000 362 522).
Desperate for family reunion
Dear Deidre
I HAVE moved on since my marriage of 28 years ended but I feel in turmoil. It is like I cannot admit defeat.
We are both in our early fifties. I tried to make it work but we had been unhappy for years. I hate my ex-wife some days but other times I love her and want her back.
I no longer see my two grown-up children or grandkids. It really is painful.
I met another woman and we married as soon as my divorce came through. She loves me but everything I did for my family now seems to have been for nothing.
DEIDRE SAYS: You cannot just turn the key on a lifetime of memories without regrets.
You are grieving the loss of your first marriage and family.
Rather than risk your new wife feeling second-best, talk to a counsellor and see how you can reconnect with your kids, who are also missing out by not seeing you (, 0300 100 1234).
Teen son's love is so unhealthy
Dear Deidre
MY son has changed since he started dating his girlfriend but if I say anything I look like a bitter and jealous mum, which I am not.
He is 18 and began seeing her a few months ago. She is 17 and lovely but very insecure.
When my son’s best friend wanted to stay over I had his girlfriend sobbing down the phone saying she wanted him to herself.
He spends almost every waking hour at her house. I do not think such an obsessive relationship is healthy. His mates no longer call round and have stopped asking him to go out.
It seems he has to have her permission if he wants to go out without her or she sulks. I’m 41.
DEIDRE SAYS: He is young and in love and blind to others’ views.
Tell him you love him but let him go with your blessing. If he has to choose, it will be her. If she turns out to be his long-term partner, you want to still stay close.
How can I confront my cheating mum?
Dear Deidre
THINK my mum is cheating on my dad but I do not know how to confront her.
I am a girl of 18 so old enough to know the signs.
She is secretive with her phone and one day I saw a message from a man saying he loves her very much.
I can’t confide in my older brother, he’d go mad.
If I confront Mum I worry it will make our relationship distant. My dad is lovely and would be heartbroken.
DEIDRE SAYS: Suggest a day out with your mum – maybe shopping or a pamper day.
Find a moment to tell her why you feel so anxious. Try not to sound accusing and be willing to hear her view point.
If your suspicions are confirmed you may not like what you hear but your parents are equally responsible for what happens in their marriage.
Tell your mum that you accept you can’t run her life but ask her to spare your feelings and not flaunt what’s happening. My e-leaflet Worried about Mum and Dad? will help.
TOPIC FOR THE DAY
UP to 50 per cent of women suffer from loss of sex drive but often neither they nor their partner understand the simple changes that can make all the difference. My-e-leaflet Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive explains practical self-help steps. Email me for your copy.
Should I call the police on my ex's new boyfriend?
Dear Deidre
I GOT a visit from the police giving me a harassment order because I sent my ex proof her new boyfriend is a cheat. I thought she deserved to know.
I am 17, she is 16. We were an item when we were both 15 but parted on bad terms.
I found out recently that her new boyfriend, who is 20, has been cheating on her with another girl.
He posted explicit images online and I am wondering whether to inform the police as the girl is underage.
My ex said I was making it all up. I know it will hurt her to find out I am telling the truth but surely I will be saving her from more hurt in the long run?
DEIDRE SAYS: If the police have given you a harassment order, you are going to land yourself in hot water unless you back off.
Chances are your accusations will have given your ex pause for thought and she may see this boyfriend in a different light. She may even thank you one day.
If this guy’s new girlfriend is underage, then you’re right that it’s illegal to post those images. You should inform the Internet Watch Foundation ().
I can't forget that my girlfriend said a holiday fling was her best sex ever
Dear Deidre
MY girlfriend told me she had the best sex ever with a guy on holiday. I feel inadequate now.
I have been seeing my girlfriend for just a few weeks though we had chatted for several months.
I’m 22 and she’s 21. We had just met when she went on holiday to Turkey for two weeks. We spoke every day.
She has only recently started opening up to me and we are getting closer. I know she did nothing wrong as we barely knew one another.
She is also ashamed and embarrassed by stuff they did and said she would never do the same things again – she says it was all down to the booze.
I trust her and know she would not cheat on me but I can’t stop the voice in my head saying she had better sex with that guy than with me.
She says she would never want to see him again and wants to be with me.
How do I stop myself feeling so inadequate?
DEIDRE SAYS: This holiday fling was part of her past and nothing to do with your futures. Every time a seed of doubt pops into your head, remind yourself she is choosing to be with you.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help you two have some fabulous loving times of your own.
CONTACT DEIDRE
Got a problem? Write to Deidre here. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. You can also private message on the Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).
I think my boyfriend might be infertile, but he won't see a doctor
Dear Deidre
MY boyfriend wants a family but he puts off getting fertility tests, I suspect because he does not want to hear the truth that he may be infertile.
We are both 29. He is gorgeous and I love him to bits. He had cancer and chemotherapy treatment as a child. He still has monthly injections to boost testosterone.
We spoke to the doctor a year ago and he said it is possible he may be infertile.
I have asked him so many times to find out for certain but it always ends in a row or with him getting upset.
I tell him it is fine whatever the outcome as I will never leave him.
I just want to know so we can start to plan other options for having a family. It seems nothing will persuade him.
DEIDRE SAYS: He is scared of having his worst fears confirmed. He wants a family as much as you do but fertility tests feel like a point of no return.
Tell him you understand his misgivings but need to talk about it. It is going to affect your relationship in a negative way long term.
Book an appointment to talk to the doctor together. Reassure him you love him and see your futures together no matter what.
You can find support through Fertility Network UK (, 01424 732361).
Is a sugar-daddy the answer to my money troubles?
Dear Deidre
I’M thinking of finding a sugar-daddy but not for sex.
I am a single mum of 22, with a baby girl of eight months.
I struggle to make ends meet since her daddy walked out. I want to be company for some guy and go out for meals.
I aim to go back to study or set up my own business in the future.
DEIDRE SAYS: A sugar-daddy will come with more strings than you want. Gingerbread can advise on money worries ().
Find guidance on careers at National Careers Service ().
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