I cheat on my husband and then go on shopping sprees to make myself feel better

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM trapped in a miserable cycle of guilt. I cheat on my husband then compulsively shop to make myself feel better.

I’m 33 and he is 36. We’ve been together for nine years.

1

Last year the doctor told us I’ll never be able to have children because I’m going through early menopause.

My husband doesn’t seem to mind but I’m devastated.

Most of the time I feel numb and empty inside. The affairs make me feel temporarily better but soon enough, the dark thoughts return.

I work as a receptionist in a hotel so it’s easy to flirt with guests and sometimes they invite me back to their room.

I love my husband and only want to be with him. But having sex with random men distracts me from the pain of not being able to become a mum.

More and more, I’m crushed by an overwhelming sense of guilt.

And now I’ve got a new vice — shopping. My retail therapy started small. I’d treat myself to a new coat and shoes.

But now I’m racking up the debt on my credit card. Most of the time I’ve no need for the random products I buy. I don’t even unwrap half of them.

I just love clicking the “buy” button. It helps me forget the guilt of cheating and the hurt of being childless.

But this doesn’t last for ever, either. Lying to my husband about what I spend just makes me feel worse.

How do I break this cycle? I’m so worried about how this story will end.

I hate myself for what I’m doing but I can’t stop.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEAR DEIDRE

My husband has started offering me up to his buddies for sex

SCHOOL STRESS

Getting my granddaughter to school has become a complete nightmare

ON PAPER

My partner refuses to get a divorce from his ex-wife - it's getting me down

MENTALLY DRAINED

My anxiety is taking over my life, and I’m struggling to cope

DEIDRE SAYS: I am very sorry you were told you can’t have children but you need to stop punishing yourself with this destructive behaviour.

You are grieving for the family you can’t have.

Rather than hiding from that emotional turmoil by distracting yourself with meaningless liaisons and material items, start addressing the root of your pain.

Please start talking to your husband. Even if he does not show it – he is probably trying not to upset you – he will be grieving too.

You don’t have to tell him about your affairs but it might help if you explain you have been behaving in a way that is not yourself.

While receiving the diagnosis for premature menopause can be devastating, there are other avenues to explore if you both want a family.

It would help to talk, either alone or as a couple, to someone who is removed from the situation.

Try counselling from .

READ MORE SUN STORIES

'heaven's gained an angel'

Love Island star heartbroken as beloved family member dies

BEACH TRAGEDY

Holidaymaker 'swept away by tide as he walked to shipwreck’ with grandchild

You can find support for premature menopause at the Daisy Network ().

Also contact for help on compulsive spending.