My partner’s questioning our relationship as I struggle with her autistic son
DEAR DEIDRE: BECOMING a stepdad to an autistic child has tested me to the limits and could destroy my relationship.
I am 49 and my partner is 39.
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I love her and have committed to taking on her son, who is nine and on the spectrum. But I had no idea how hard it would be.
He has tantrums about everything – if I ask him to clean his room, if I tell him we’re going to a different playground, if he can’t take his toy with him, even if his food isn’t in the right place on his plate.
I don’t know how to handle him and end up feeling frustrated and angry, which I know doesn’t help.
When he acts up in public, I feel embarrassed.
I have two grown-up kids from another relationship, and enjoyed raising them.
My partner is upset with me and says she doesn’t think I’m ready to be a stepdad. She says it is making her reconsider our relationship.
We moved in together as the pandemic hit and I was hoping we would marry.
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Now she says she thinks we should have a break.
I don’t want to lose her. Where can I get help?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Being a step-parent is challenging, even when the child doesn’t have additional needs.
Talk to your partner again and say you are trying to learn, and looking for help.
Ask her to be more patient with you. She is probably very stressed too.
Take a look at the National Autistic Society’s website (), which explains more about this condition.
Also talk to Family Lives, who are there for any parent or stepparent (, 0808 800 2222).