My ex-fiancée dumped me – but now I’ve got a new girlfriend, she wants me back
DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex-fiancée broke our engagement – and my heart – but now I’ve met someone else, she wants me back.
She claims she engineered our break-up as a test of my affections — to see if I really did love her and if she could trust me.
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I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do.
We were in a long-distance relationship for three years, and engaged for one.
I’m 30 and she’s 28.
When we started our relationship, I lived in London, while she was in Leeds.
She begged me to move up north to be with her, but I couldn’t until I found a job up there.
So we saw each other on weekends and during holidays.
I finally managed to get a job, but then the lockdown happened, so I couldn’t move immediately. She reacted badly, like it was my fault.
One day, out of the blue, she ended the relationship by text.
I was so upset, I got straight on a train and went to see her. She refused to meet me and said I should just get on with my life.
I was heartbroken, and it took me months to recover and start feeling like life was worth living again.
Last month, I met someone new. It’s early days, but I do really like my new girlfriend.
My ex-fiancée found out via social media and started texting me. She says she still loves me and I should break up with my new girlfriend.
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She also says she thinks I was seeing this woman while we were together.
Apparently, ending our engagement was “a test” to see if I was really committed to her.
I don’t know what to believe. Part of me still loves her, and my head is a mess.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It seems like your ex-fiancée only wants what she can’t have.
She shut you out, but now you are with someone else, she suddenly proclaims her love again. It sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape.
She sounds manipulative, as well as jealous, and that doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.
Remember, you spent time and money going to see her when you were distraught, and she wouldn’t even meet you to talk.
My support pack, Torn Between Two Lovers, might be helpful, as might the Dealing With Jealousy one.
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It might be that you’re not ready for a new relationship yet.
Maybe it’s time for a period alone to work out who – if anyone – you want to be with, and to think about the kind of relationship you want.