Wife has gone off sex and I get lucky in the shower once a year
DEAR DEIDRE: WE are only in our thirties but my wife has lost all interest in sex.
The most I get is manual relief once a year.
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I’m 38 and my partner is 34. We’ve been together for ten years but haven’t had proper sex in three.
We used to have a great love life. All of a sudden, she went cold on me. She said she was too tired.
All I’ve got to look forward to on that front is a bit of a fumble in the shower on my birthday.
When I’ve tried to talk to her, she says she doesn’t enjoy sex.
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I tried asking what I could do to make it better but she just clams up and gets upset.
I love my wife and would never cheat on her. But she can’t expect me never to have sex again.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It is unusual for someone to suddenly go off sex.
Encourage her to visit the doctor to rule out any medical issues.
Also talk to her. Has something shifted in the relationship? Is she feeling low about herself?
Explain that you both need to be brave and deal with whatever is happening because you can’t continue like this.
You would no doubt benefit from talking to a sexual and relationship therapist who will help you work through any issues and reconnect.
Contact COSRT (, 020 8106 9635), which can help put you in touch with a reputable therapist.