I can only enjoy sex with my husband if I imagine I am with a curvy woman
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE only ever dated, fancied and had sex with men – so why have I become increasingly attracted to women?
It has got to the point where I can only enjoy sex with my husband if I imagine I am with a woman.
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I am 38 and my husband is 43. We have a son and a daughter together, aged 12 and nine.
We have a good, solid relationship and I have always taken pride in talking through any disagreements.
But I can’t imagine him agreeing that it’s fine for me to have sex with women, or that while he thought he was marrying a heterosexual woman, in fact he married someone who is bisexual or gay.
I can pinpoint exactly when I started to fantasise about women. It was on holiday in Spain five years ago.
We’d had a gorgeous day on the beach and rounded it off with a couple of beers while the kids enjoyed the last rays.
An attractive woman from Norway was there. She was blonde, tanned and very curvy.
She carried a few extra pounds but had such body confidence and a love of life that I didn’t blame my husband when I spotted him admiring her.
That night, I fantasised about having sex with her. Since then, the only porn I want to watch involves curvy blondes having sex with another woman or sometimes a man.
My sex life with my husband has always been pretty decent. We have tried different positions and venues but I’m not sure he would appreciate knowing what goes through my mind now.
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I feel really guilty. I am worried this could mean the end of us and I don’t want that to happen.
I love my husband and wish I could close the door to this fantasy.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Try not to panic. First of all, many people have fantasies they would never dream of putting into action.
In fact, it is the illicit nature of the fantasy that for many is so appealing.
Ask yourself whether you really want to have sex with another woman or if it is something you simply enjoy dreaming about.
It is not unusual for many to have an attraction to their same gender at some point. That does not mean it will last forever or even that it will always remain.
Take your time and try to accept that same-sex fantasies are totally normal. They need not mean the end of your marriage.
It would help you to discuss your worries with Switchboard LGBT+ which can put you in touch with local counselling, support groups and social networks (, 0300 330 0630).