I pay for everything as my husband spends his benefits on cigarettes
DEAR DEIDRE: I GOT a Valentine’s Day card from my husband this year . . . but only because I’ve been feeling so down lately. And I still had to pay for it myself.
I’ve looked after him, his son and his parents for ten years. He was widowed at 35 but is now 48. I’m 45.
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He was a carer for his son, so I accepted he couldn’t work. Now he says he’s got a “back problem”, so I fund everything.
I’ve no money for treats because I pay the bills and buy the food.
He spends his benefits on himself, is at the betting shop at least twice a week and if he has no money for fags, he asks me.
My job is stressful and while other colleagues were furloughed, I’ve had to work throughout.
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I’m so tired. I feel old and fed-up.
My husband then asked me for money for a card because he feels sorry for me – yet he’s half the problem.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If he has back trouble, explain in a quiet moment that you are concerned. He could get some help from his GP and might be able to get treatment.
If he has the energy to put bets on and stand around watching the racing or football, talk to him about getting a part-time job. Bear in mind he might have lost his confidence.
Tell him you cannot go on funding everything and you need him to contribute.
My support pack Help For Job Hunters will assist you.