Affairs are meant to be exciting but my lover is boring and predictable
DEAR DEIDRE: AFFAIRS are meant to be exciting – but my love life is painfully predictable.
I am having a relationship with a married man who texts like clockwork and calls every day at 5.30pm.
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But he only ever makes time for me on Tuesday evenings from 6.30pm onwards.
I’m a woman of 40 and was married for 25 years until my husband ran off with his twenty-something secretary. He’s 45.
I was heartbroken but picked myself up and managed to get a job in a betting shop to take my mind off things.
The manager is 49 and married. We took good money on Gold Cup day and after cashing up, he locked the door and cracked open some champagne for the two of us.
We had a few drinks, then he suddenly moved over to me and stroked my face.
He said: “I’ve fancied you since the day you walked in.” I was shocked.
He moved in to kiss me. It had been so long since I’d kissed anyone that I couldn’t resist. Things quickly went to the next level and that same day we had sex in his office.
As he got dressed he said, “I have to be honest, I’m in an unhappy marriage. I sleep downstairs. It works for us.”
He asked if I would be willing to leave our relationship “casual” and I agreed. But it turns out “casual” also means very, very predictable.
He texts me most days when we aren’t together at work but is only available on Tuesdays.
We always have a drink in the bar of the same hotel then after a bottle of red wine, we go up to our usual room for sex. He leaves at 11.30pm on the dot.
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When he’s not in the shop, he calls me at 5.30pm. That’s when his wife takes a meal round to her mother’s.
So that’s it. That’s been my life for the past ten months. I feel like such a fool. Nothing will ever change . . . will it?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt it. He is enjoying a very set routine because you are his booty call, then he trots home to play happy families with his wife.
Don’t settle for a no-strings, dead-end relationship if this is not what you want. You have not been used to casual sex before, so why start now?
Explain that casual relationships are not your style after all.
If you really like him but he won’t leave his wife, you may have to bring this to a close and find somebody who will put you first.
My support pack Your Lover Not Free? may help you see this for what it truly is.