My husband can’t get it up – but managed okay with his 25-year-old colleague
DEAR DEIDRE: MY 50-year-old husband has been struggling to have sex with me, yet sex with his 25-year-old colleague is no problem at all.
I’m so disgusted with him. I had an anonymous text from someone at his work alerting me to his “sexual relationship with the trainee”.
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She’s young enough to be his daughter and the kicker is she is in the same social group as our own daughter, who is 22. I’m 49.
He’s a pharmacist for a high street store and this woman is apparently very impressionable.
Initially when I confronted him, he denied an affair but I could see he was lying. Suddenly all the early shifts and new-found love of after-shave made sense.
I’ve given him the cold shoulder for two weeks and today he finally admitted he cheated because he “felt flattered that a woman of her age would be interested” in him.
He says he only had sex with her once but can I believe that?
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He seems genuinely remorseful.
We have always been very close but in the past three years our sex life has fallen off a cliff and he hasn’t been able to get an erection.
I’ve no idea why. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he always says he’s too tired.
On his 50th birthday when we went to bed, he produced some Viagra pills, saying they were “a present for both of us”.
Now I know why. He was worried he wouldn’t be able to perform for her. We’ve had sex since then but only a couple of times — with the help of Viagra.
I love sex but figured if he wasn’t up for it, there wasn’t much I could do. I still give him lots of attention though.
This is so out of character for him to do something like this. Why has he hurt me so deeply?
DEIDRE SAYS: Now that you know what has happened, you are in the driving seat and he has got a lot of making up to do.
Explain how upset this has made you feel.
His sexual performance is one thing he should have discussed. Erectile dysfunction isn’t just a man’s problem but something you can sort out as a couple.
It is going to take a while to recover the trust. Would he consider transferring to another branch? This would help you believe he is truly sorry.
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Some couples’ counselling may help you to see whether there are other areas of your marriage which need addressing from both of your points of view.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains more.