I had a one-night stand with another man, but I’m straight
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a one-night stand with another man. But I’m straight.
I’m 30 and have been into women since I was a teenager.
Never have I fancied a guy, or even imagined myself with one.
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Last weekend, I had to work away, so I stayed in a hotel.
I headed for the outdoor bar and got chatting to the barman, who was around my age.
I ended up staying until the bar closed and I must have drunk a lot because I can’t remember much about the rest of the night.
The next morning, I woke up and the barman was in the bed next to me.
He started kissing me and we had sex. It was my first time with a man.
I enjoyed the moment but now I feel ashamed and confused. Am I gay?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Human sexuality is complex and can be fluid.
It isn’t helpful to label yourself as either gay or bisexual just because of one encounter.
But be assured you have nothing to feel ashamed about.
It might be useful to talk through your feelings with someone who understands. Contact Switchboard LGBT+ (, 0300 330 0630) for confidential advice.
My support pack about Bisexuality could also help.