I had an affair with an old school friend and now feel like I have permanently tainted my marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD an affair with an old school friend. The sex was off the scale but now I feel like I have permanently tainted my marriage.
For years I’d fancied running a restaurant as I’m a keen amateur chef. So I decided to buy the lease on a restaurant with my brother last year.
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I’m 37, my wife is 34 and we have a baby son.
The first few months were great for business but it was tough for my wife.
She was left at home for long hours with our boy, and during the day I was out getting supplies and prepping for the evening.
We only closed one day a week.
Our relationship was explosive sometimes, arguing like crazy about my hours, but then we’d kiss and make up.
A woman I recognised from school came into the restaurant looking for a job one day.
She’s 37 too. I told her to call in after closing and we’d talk about it.
She looked gorgeous when she arrived after my shift, wearing a long, flowery dress with her hair pinned up.
I showed her around our galley kitchen and squeezed past her to show her our fridge and I could smell her perfume.
I don’t know what came over me but I leant forward and kissed her, she responded and we went on to have sex there in the kitchen. It felt amazing.
Our affair lasted for six months and then, one night, a local was peering in the window and saw us at it.
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Rumours were rife and I think my wife may have heard something was going on.
My lover ended our relationship as she knew I wouldn’t commit to her.
The pandemic then hit and our restaurant couldn’t survive.
The business was too new with too many debts.
I’ve managed to get my old job back, working in telecoms, and my wife is back at work too.
Things feel good for us but I realise how close I was to losing her and my son.
Now I struggle with my infidelity and wonder about being honest with my wife.
I can’t put it behind me though I wish it had never happened.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t turn back the clock but you’ve realised what is important and this isn’t a mistake you’re going to repeat.
Telling your wife about your infidelity might ease your burden of guilt.
But it would dump the misery in her lap, just when life is feeling better for you both.
That would be cruel and counter-productive.
It sounds as though she may have suspected but has chosen to move on.
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