I discovered a woman I slept with is actually a man – does this mean I’m gay?
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS really excited when a gorgeous woman I’d been flirting with invited me back to her place.
When things got heated I discovered she was a he – but I still enjoyed myself.
It’s left me with so many questions.
I’m 37 and married with five children. My wife is 35.
We met at school and have been together for 20 years. She used to be fun and full of love.
Our sex life was great and she couldn’t get enough of me. But she never has time for me in the bedroom these days.
She says sex is just another chore and wants me to get it over with as quickly as possible. I feel hurt and rejected and our sex life is almost nil.
I’ve started going out with the lads to a pub in a nearby town. I met a beautiful woman there one night and we got on brilliantly.
She was there the next few weeks too and it got so that I was looking forward to seeing her.
She said she was 33, she had a great sense of humour and really took care of herself — slim and with a great dress sense. Our talk turned more sexual and flirty.
topic4today
MORE than 750,000 of us are affected by eating disorders – not just anorexia and bulimia but also BED, or binge eating disorder.
My leaflet on Coping With Eating Disorders will help sufferers and those who love them. For a copy, email me at the address below.
- Email me at problems@deardeidre.org or private-message me via my Facebook page.
After about six weeks of meeting up like this she asked if I’d like to go home with her afterwards.
I jumped at it. It was ages since I had felt wanted and she was giving me strong vibes that we weren’t just going to have a coffee.
Things soon got very steamy between us and I quickly found out that she was a he but with breasts.
I went ahead all the same. The sex was incredible. Now I feel three different things.
I’m devastated that I cheated on my wife and I’m hurt that I betrayed my family.
I’m also confused, because I really enjoyed my time with him, so does that mean I’m gay?
Get in touch with Deidre today
My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.
Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org.
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter
DEIDRE SAYS: You were attracted to him when you thought he was a woman.
We nearly all have some gay/bi feelings in our sexual make-up, and you were already up and running when you realised she was a he.
I don’t think you need feel that your sexuality has suddenly changed in a major way.
But you rightly feel bad about cheating and you need to look at the underlying reasons for being tempted, so you can put them right.
No wonder your wife has lost interest in sex. She has five children to look after while you go to the pub, so it’s hardly surprising she’s tired at the end of the day.
Tell her you love her and want to do your share. Look after the children regularly some evenings so that she can have time to relax.
My e-leaflet on Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive will help.
And remember, cheating risks transmitting coronavirus as well as wrecking your marriage and family.