I am torn between my passionate lover and my husband who doesn’t turn me on

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM torn between a lover I fancy like crazy and have passionate sex with, and my husband, who I love but don’t get sexually turned on by.

I am 33 and have been married for six years to a man I cannot fault. He is 36..

Before we met, my life was miserable and my social life zero because I suffered with anxiety.

We met at a friend’s wedding and just clicked. He was so kind and lovely and made me feel at ease.

He was due to go to work abroad a week later so our relationship was online for 18 months.

Then he asked me to join him as he’d been offered a long-term position that would give him a good income and us a great lifestyle.

I wasn’t sure I fancied him but thought everything would work out once we were together.

We are happy, we have a lovely life and he is a thoughtful, caring and considerate husband. And he understands and helps me if I get anxious.

The only downside is that our sex life doesn’t turn me on. I started a new job a year ago and soon got friendly with a colleague.

He is 31, good-looking and a lovely person, too. He makes my heart jump every time we meet.

I lied and told him my marriage wasn’t happy and I was leaving my husband. Drinks progressed to dates and eventually I went back to his flat.

The sex was, and still is, breathtaking.

He now wants us to have a serious relationship. I think we could be happy and our sex life is certainly brilliant, but he does not want children, which I definitely do, and he suffers from depression. That scares me because I need someone to be strong for me.

My husband is an amazing man. I am terrified of leaving him and ending up alone. What should I do? Why can’t I choose?

DEIDRE SAYS: We can’t know the future but write a list of all the pros and cons so you can visualise them more clearly, weigh up how important they are to you and how probable.

Sex with your lover is likely to take a dive if he sinks into a depression, but the plus could be you might find your inner strength if you were with a man who couldn’t always be your rock.

However, if he would only be a reluctant father, that could be a big friction point.

Especially with the virus around, try putting your affair on pause while you see if you can help your husband thrill you more sexually. Be his guide to what would turn you on.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.

If he can get that right it sounds as though you could enjoy a really strong and happy marriage all-round.

• I’M answering your problems live on ITV’s This Morning today from 10.30. Call 08000 304‎044.

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