I think my husband bent his penis while having sex with my best friend
DEAR DEIDRE: I THINK my husband bent his penis having sex with my best friend.
I’ve read that a bent penis can be caused by vigorous sex and his penis only developed this bend around the time I suspected he was sleeping with my friend.
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I’m 44 and he is 45. We’ve been together for ten years. I was at school with my best friend and we’ve always been so close we were more like sisters.
She had just broken up with her son’s father when I got together with my now husband and I always felt she and my husband were over-flirty. They would kiss one another on the lips when they said goodbye, which I thought was strange.
My friend was doing up her son’s bedroom last year. Not having a man about the house, she asked my husband to help her assemble some flatpack furniture.
He was round there all day, which I questioned. Her son had gone to his dad’s so they were alone all that time.
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He made up some excuse about other jobs she needed doing but I didn’t believe him. My husband instigated sex with me a couple of days later but couldn’t get an erection and his penis was bent.
After that, even when he did get an erection and we had sex, his bent penis hurt me.
All last autumn he would phone and say he’d stopped off at my friend’s house with all kinds of excuses. If I challenged him he swore that nothing was happening.
What was I to do? I had the choice to carry on with my marriage or to leave him, with no firm evidence. Then at the start of the year my friend met a divorced guy. He moved in with her for lockdown and they still seem strong, though I have little contact with her now, as she’s so busy with him.
My sex life with my husband is still terrible. I turn him down because of the pain and he gets frustrated. I worry he will seek sex elsewhere again.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though your husband has developed Peyronie’s disease – scar tissue causing the penis to bend.
It’s far from always caused by vigorous sex and surely would have made sex uncomfortable for your friend too, if they were indeed having a physical affair? It’s possible your husband was just flattered by her when his morale was at a low ebb.
Whatever happened, she has moved on, while you and your husband are still together, so focus on making your relationship as strong and happy as possible.
Insist he get treatment for the Peyronie’s disease. He should ask his doctor to refer him to a urologist. Any bleeding during sex needs checking out, so make sure you see your GP too.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT will help as well.
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