I’m seeing an older woman but I’m scared she might be my long-lost mother

DEAR DEIDRE:  I HAVE always felt drawn to older women but I’m scared the woman I am seeing now is my long-lost mother.

I was brought up by my dad and his older sister.

I am 25 but my parents split up when I was a toddler so I can’t remember my mother. She had an alcohol problem so I stayed with my dad.

The woman I am seeing is 48 and divorced. She is a lovely person and lots of fun.

She doesn’t drink, goes to the gym – which is where we met – and looks amazing.

I thought I had found my perfect woman. We have started having sex and it is fantastic.

When I started to tell my dad about her he looked uncomfortable.

He brought out some old photos of me with my mum. To my horror, my mum looked very like my girlfriend. I don’t know what to do now.

I don’t want to bring the subject up with my girlfriend.

I don’t feel I can talk to my dad about it either but if the two of them meet and recognise one another, it would be disastrous.

If my suspicions are right, I don’t want to know.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your dad must have had good reason to bring out those photos.

Genetic sexual attraction – GSA – is known to make related people feel drawn to one another who haven’t lived together in a family unit.

You may feel drawn to older women because you lacked your mother in your life but, if this is your actual mother, the relationship is incestuous and against the law.

Tell her you need to know more about her personal history.

If she is your mother, this could turn into a different but even more rewarding relationship.

You can find support through Family Lives (, 0808 800 2222).

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