Should I tell my unforgiving wife about my five steamy affairs?
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE cheated on my wife, having passionate and incredibly satisfying sex with five other women since we married.
I am eaten up with guilt and keep thinking I should confess my cheating to her.
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I met four of the women online. It was all about sex and nothing more but the sex I had with these women made me feel good.
The fifth was a colleague at work who was my age. She always had a bit of a thing for me and we ended up having a fling which lasted six months.
It fizzled out because the stress of keeping it a secret at work was taking its toll and she eventually moved on to a new job.
I take full responsibility for cheating but there were reasons. I am 38 and my wife is 36. We have been married for ten years and have a son, aged eight.
My wife was a virgin when we married. We didn’t have sex until our wedding night.
I was never wild growing up and only had sex with a couple of girls when I was 17. My wife wasn’t interested in sex and even when we did have it, she just used to lie there.
Our sex life was boring and I was really struggling, but I know I did wrong.
If I confess, though, I dread the consequences. It could mean the end of our marriage as I know my wife won’t forgive me.
She often criticises my judgment and brings up mistakes I’ve made in the past.
She is unforgiving and I fear if I were to tell her she would never let me forget it and would make my life even more miserable than it is now.
I do love my wife and I have stayed loyal to her these past two years.
I don’t intend to cheat on her again but I’m tormented with guilt and feel I should be honest with her.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Telling your wife might ease your conscience but land her with a whole load of misery and solve nothing. It could well cause the break-up of your relationship.
She would be absolutely devastated – and your son too.
Rather than fret about what’s done and gone, focus on strengthening your marriage for the future.
It’s not easy to keep love and sex feeling fresh and alive but it can be done.
Your wife may not be happy about your love life either but inexperience or sexual inhibition may be holding her back.
Find a suitable time away from the bedroom to ask whether she enjoys sex with you and if you could do anything better.
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This is a better tactic than accusing her of being boring in bed.Once you know her feelings it’ll be easier to work out what to do.
Maybe she just needs her confidence boosting or you need to learn more about female sexual responses. My e-leaflet Too Inhibited? will help.
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