I went to a swingers’ club and saw my son there – he hasn’t spoken to me since
DEAR DEIDRE: I WENT to a swingers’ club just before lockdown and saw my son was there. He hasn’t spoken to me since.
I’m a 51-year-old divorced guy. I split up from my ex ten years ago. I have many female friends for company and I date but there is nobody special in my life.
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A friend told me about a very discreet swinging club and I have been going there now for about 18 months. The place is great because the women who go just love sex — and it has a strict policy that protects everyone who attends.
You’re not judged and you can let yourself go for a few hours.
I enjoy their singles’ nights and I went earlier this year before the coronavirus hit.
I got there early, had a drink at the bar then went to strip off.
I went in one room and there were a few men standing around watching a couple having sex.
I couldn’t see the man at first but then he turned his head and I realised it was my son.
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He is 29 and is single, so he wasn’t cheating on anyone, but I was a bit startled to see him, to say the least.
We made eye contact but I didn’t know what to say or how to handle it. I quickly went back to get dressed then went home.
My son and I had a great relationship before. We would text most days and were very close. In fact, we were like best friends.
But now he won’t answer my texts or phone calls. It’s been extra-painful because of lockdown.
I don’t want to sound a hypocrite for having a go at him.
He lives by himself and, in my view, what he does in his private life is his business. He’s a grown man and can do as he pleases.
I’m sure he feels the same about me but seeing him at the club has ruined everything.
DEIDRE SAYS: That is very sad. If your son won’t answer your calls, the best thing is to write to him. He feels embarrassed but I doubt he would throw away an unopened letter from you. Explain how much you miss him and say you don’t want this one embarrassing moment to ruin a lifetime of love between you.
Tell him what you told me – that what he does in his private life is his own concern and you feel that you should draw a line under this and go back to being a loving father and son again.
Is casual sex, with the attendant risks, really what you want for yourself, though?
If, in your heart, you would rather find somebody special for a more fulfilling relationship, my e-leaflet on Finding The Love Of Your Life might just hold the key for you.
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