My wife lied to me about being a virgin and I think about it every day
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN we first got together, my wife told me she was a virgin like me.
It has cut me to the bone to learn that she had sex with three guys before me.
I am 35 and she is 33. We met 15 years ago. I didn’t have any sexual experiences during my teens because of my lack of self-confidence.
She’s now admitted she only said I was her first to make me feel better and so I wouldn’t feel pressured. In fact she lost her virginity when she was 16.
I feel so naïve to think that I believed her. I think about it every day. The thought of her being intimate with someone else is excruciating.
I cross-examine her about it, which I know makes her feel uncomfortable. I understand that the past can’t be changed but I feel like a poor excuse of a man.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t ruin a 15-year relationship over your wife’s teenage experiences. We can never own our partner’s past.
She loves you and it is you she chose to marry.
My e-leaflet on Coping With Jealousy will help.
But ask your wife for a hug when you feel insecure rather than questioning her, which risks driving her away.