I can’t break affair with my PA even in lockdown — we now do sexy stuff online
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM married but have been having brilliant sex with a girl at work. I thought lockdown might help me break with her but we’ve been doing sexy stuff over FaceTime. I can’t keep away.
I’m 41 and this girl came to work as my PA a year ago. She’s 24, bubbly and very attractive. I manage a factory and the order book has been rammed for the last couple of years.
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I would get home from work in a bad temper and take it out on my wife. She would try to cheer me up. We don’t have kids so we could go out and have fun but I just wasn’t interested.
She said I might be suffering from depression and I saw the GP who put me on medication.
The one person who put a smile on my face was my PA.
We would flirt at work and I started confiding in her about my feelings. I suggested she come with me to a work exhibition abroad last year. I told my wife I needed my PA with me to organise meetings.
It was a great few days. We had dinner at a smart restaurant the first night and she invited me back to her room, where we had raunchy but tender sex.
We had sex every night and morning over there and carried on our affair when we got back. She was fun and made me feel like a new man.
We tried to keep it quiet at work but I fell deeply in love and was prepared to leave my wife so we could be together.
I told my girlfriend but she then pulled back and said she thinks I’m great but she doesn’t want to break up my marriage.
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Our affair carried on, though I began to get the feeling she was seeing other men, too. I know she loves male attention and flirts with lots of guys.
I suppose I was feeling uneasy so, when lockdown arrived, I saw it as a good opportunity to try to sort my life out. The factory is carrying on working and I have to go in, but I told my PA she should work from home.
I tried to keep contact strictly business but she sexted me one night and I couldn’t resist. We’ve been sexting and had sex on FaceTime while my wife’s asleep.
None of this is my wife’s fault and I don’t want to ruin her life, but I feel nothing towards her except guilt and shame. I am confused about what I want.
DEIDRE SAYS: You know your PA isn’t going to make you happy long-term so getting sexual with her is going nowhere long-term. Tell her you must keep all contact professional. If she tries to flirt, walk away.
At the same time do some positive work on your marriage to sort it one way or the other.
Depression can cut you off from your feelings. Ask your wife to join you in couple counselling. Relate () and Tavistock () both work online as well as face-to-face.