I still feel guilt over leaving my older husband for a sexy, younger man
DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my new man is great and he has made me feel so confident – but I feel guilty about my husband.
I was just 24 when I met my husband. He was 13 years older than me but seemed impressive and I fell deeply in love.
He had been married before but his first wife walked out, taking his little girls with her.
I felt sorry for him and made it my mission to make him feel loved and to take care of his girls when they visited.
But he had been through so much that he took it for granted, I think, that I was the one to make up for his hurt and fix things.
Still, I loved him to bits and I did not complain. I hoped we would get married one day.
But I had a long wait — seven years.
Finally, he proposed and I should have been over the moon — but I felt angry that he had left it so long.
The day after our wedding, I learned my cousin had died.
She was 30 years old and that made me take stock and think just how short life can be — and how much of my time I had been giving to somebody else.
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I was sent on a training weekend for work and met a guy there who was funny, kind and sweet and we clicked.
He is my age and is so into me.
He made me feel great and told me I had stolen his heart.
We started a sexy affair and I know he would move mountains for me.
I then told my husband I had met someone, and he cried and begged me to stay.
We decided to have one more try at our marriage but I thought of my lover every day.
In the end I left and have been with the other man for the last two months.
I am 34 and my new man has made me feel happy and sure of myself but I am so full of guilt about the husband I left.
He says he realises now where he went wrong and would change if I go back.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He may be sincere but had lots of chances to change and, in my experience, once you go back, he is very likely to revert to his established pattern.
Of course you feel guilty – that is part of the person you are, you care about others – but maybe it is time that you put yourself first.
You have met someone now who is not holding back and is giving his whole self to you.
You deserve, at long last, to be loved just for being yourself and not just for the giving you do.
Did your husband make you feel special like this?
It is your choice, of course, once life is back to normal, but a love like the love you have now does not come every day.