I think my boyfriend is just using me to get through this crisis – should I dump him for an old flame?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I had an instant connection and the sex is amazing but another guy I met – and slept with – around the same time is back on the scene.
Now I can’t make up my mind who I want.
I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 37.
It took a while for him to commit because he couldn’t make his mind up about what he wanted.
He stood me up a few times but claimed he’d forgotten our dates.
Meanwhile I met this other guy and we had sex a couple of times.
He’s 26 and we got on great but he was about to go travelling, so I knew nothing would develop between us then.
I carried on seeing my boyfriend and moved in with him after a few months.
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We got engaged and he talked me into giving up a lovely flat I’d been renting in order to be with him.
But then he dumped me after a year, kicked me out and left me homeless.
I moved in with my parents and felt broken.
My boyfriend agreed to try again and we’ve seen each other on and off this past year, but he’s never committed or even seemed bothered at times.
He used to have an exciting job involving lots of travel before coronavirus put a stop to that.
Now he is suddenly saying he loves me and wants me to live with him again.
I do love him but I wonder if he’s using me as a comfort blanket to get through this tough time and it will be off as soon as restrictions are lifted.
To complicate it all, the other guy has come back home and looked me up.
We’ve kissed and he is coming round for dinner tomorrow, but the next day I’m visiting my boyfriend.
I’m so confused.
I love my boyfriend but I don’t want to let the other guy go again.
I feel his intentions towards me are much more real.
Topic for today
FAR more men struggle to climax than used to. It is one thing to satisfy a partner but another if it takes so long she is bored or sore.
My e-leaflet Man Who Finds It Hard To Climax? tells of treatment and self-help.
Email or private message me via Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: You should listen to that instinct.
The sex might be great but your boyfriend has messed you around before.
He may want you by his side during these scary times but does he make you feel really loved and valued?
Have a serious talk with your boyfriend.
Unless he convinces you he is sincere in the long term, tell him no thanks.
Don’t let your emotional confusion blind you to the health risks of seeing either of these guys.
Both could bring the virus into your home.
Tell them both any sex at the moment has to be virtual but use the demand for social distancing to give yourself space while you work out what is right for you.
Usually it is best to have a spell on your own between relationships.
My leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You will help you think this through.