SINITTA last night revealed how she and ex Simon Cowell were left “devastated”
after she aborted their baby.
The So Macho singer, 49, said the X Factor supremo helped her cope with the
agonising decision to end her pregnancy in the 1980s.
She also told how she had dreamed of marrying Simon, 53 — and has made peace
with long-time pal Lauren Silverman, the US socialite now carrying his
child.
She denied suggestions that the X Factor boss knew nothing of the termination
— and that it happened as recently as 2009.
Instead, she recalled how Simon — now expecting his first child with Lauren —
stayed at her side and shared her pain throughout.
Sinitta did admit she was “angry and upset” after news emerged that the TV
mogul was to be a dad — because he and Lauren had not told her they were in
love.
But she dismissed suggestions she was speaking out to “attack” Lauren and
insisted that the women had “dealt with” the situation.
Sinitta said she had decided to voice her thoughts after a “hellish” week
following news of her abortion.
Pals feared she was having a breakdown after she posted a series of messages
on Twitter including one asking to take a lie detector test on TV’s Jeremy
Kyle Show.
But Sinitta, who has known Simon since the Eighties and was his on-off
girlfriend for 20 years, said: “I’m not having a breakdown — I’m tired,
frustrated, upset and angry.
“People are saying I aborted Simon’s baby in 2009 and that he only found out
the other day. That’s all lies — I’d never do that to him.
“It was in the 1980s, not 2009, as by then I was already aware that I couldn’t
carry a child full term.
“It was a long time ago when we were both young. Simon was very concerned and
by my side.
“It was upsetting and it was something very difficult that we dealt with
together. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to go through. It was devastating
for both of us.
“Reports saying this was something Simon knew nothing about and that I did it
behind his back to hurt him and that he is devastated and is exiling me are
vile.
TOMORROW: The truth about the harem
“He’s not furious with me, he is furious that I have to go through this. But I
have to clear my name.”
Sinitta said she had never kept the abortion secret — speaking about it as
part of her testimony at church and in social services talks.
But she added: “It’s not something Simon and I talked about a lot. I got a
puppy. It sounds weird, but that helped me get over it.”
Sinitta, who tasted Eighties chart success with hits including So Macho,
said she longed for years to wed Simon, who is now 53.
She said: “I have always admitted I wanted to marry him and have children with
him — not just because I love him, but because I thought I would be good for
him.
“He comes from a great family, I grew up with them. I idolise the traditional
family, it’s what I have always wanted, had and lost.
“I think it would be good for him, that his child would thrive and it would be
great for everyone. Over the years I did say maybe we should have a baby now
because we’re older and things are different — but he did not want one and
instead we got puppies.
“I think he thought he didn’t want children and he would never want children.
And I believed him.
“I still wanted them, so that’s why I kept asking. I thought that one day we
would have them.
“But it wasn’t something we were fighting over. He was always honest with me
and we had different life expectations. He wasn’t saying it to upset me.
Having a baby with someone you love is one of the most beautiful and
romantic things you can do, especially if both people want to and both are
ready. That was not us.”
Sinitta, who adopted kids Magdalena, eight, and seven-year-old Zac, while
with ex-husband Andy Willner, admitted she was gobsmacked when Simon rang
earlier this year to announce he was going to be a dad.
She said: “He called me and told me before the news came out. I was stunned
and taken aback, surprised.
“I was also worried about him be-cause he never wanted to have kids and now
this was happening. I was thinking, ‘What are we going to do’? I thought it
was a problem initially as it was a brief conversation and I wasn’t sure
exactly how he felt.”
Sinitta said she also found the baby news harder to digest because she was
close pals with Lauren too and felt a sense of BETRAYAL.
She said: “We are very, very good friends. When you’ve been close friends with
someone and you’re calling each other sisters and family and confided all of
your secrets and feelings over the years to them…
“Lauren was that person to me. It was sad to discover that I wasn’t that
person to her. I’ve known her for four or five years. But it’s OK, we have
dealt with it. I didn’t cry when I heard and I certainly didn’t cry, ‘It
should’ve been me’. That’s a comedy sketch — not real life.”
Sinitta finally came face to face with Lauren, 36, at Simon’s villa in the
South of France in August.
The singer nearly didn’t go as she was afraid that the meeting would be too
“weird” — and the couple would prefer to be alone.
She said: “I only went because Lauren and Simon really wanted me to be there.
“I thought it was best not to be there, but they said I was needed there. A
plane was even held to make sure I was on it — so I know they both wanted me
there. I got to the villa and we just sort of carried on as if it was
normal. It wasn’t an, ‘Oh my gosh’ sort of thing.
“I probably did want to talk to her more about it, but I wanted to be nice and
I didn’t want to cause any drama. I just wanted us to carry on and be happy.
Simon didn’t want us to fall out about it.”
But Sinitta admitted seeing her pals as a couple did seem “surreal” — and
brought out a side of Simon she had never seen before.
She said: “One day they went for a walk and I was like, ‘What? You never go
for a walk’. And Simon was getting up before midday now which he never used
to do.” But Sinitta denied feeling jealous of the pair — despite confessing
that she has been in and out of love with Simon for their entire
relationship.
She insisted: “If I was single childless and still in love with Simon I would
probably be jealous.
“But I have children and I have a boyfriend. If I was jealous I would say it —
that’s what I’m like!
“People ask me how I’m coping given that I am still in love with Simon and so
on. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”
She added: “I still love Simon but I’m not ‘in love’ with him. I haven’t been
in love with him for two or three years. I’m in a relationship with someone
else now.
“But seeing him with Lauren is a big adjustment. It would have been the same
if it was a girlfriend.
“You’re seeing someone almost like a completely different person.
“She’s in love with him and he’s in love with her. I’m happy for them and I
mean that.
“Simon is in the next phase of his life and I find it fascinating watching him
grow and embrace the changes.
“You can see a change in him and it’s a good change. He’s definitely in a
better place than he was two years ago.”
30 years as true friends
By KATIE EARLAM
SINITTA was 19 when she first met Simon Cowell in 1982 at London’s Embassy
Club and “fell in love”.
The singer, who is reluctant to admit she is 50 this month, once said she was
14 when they met after claiming to be five years younger than she is.
In 1984, she began an 18-month affair with singer David Essex — after the pair
starred in the musical Mutiny! in London’s West End.
After the affair, the US-born singer got back together with Cowell and the
pair began an on-off relationship.
In 1985 she was signed to his record label and in 1986, she reached No 2 in
the charts with So Macho — produced by Cowell.
She claimed they split after her career took off. Sinitta dated Hollywood
heart-throb Brad Pitt and married headhunter Andy Willner in 2002. They
divorced after seven years.
She and Cowell have remained friends for the past 30 years, with Sinitta
regularly joining him on lavish holidays and appearing as his “adviser” on X
Factor.
Her hits
SINITTA’S biggest hit was So Macho — in the UK charts for 30 weeks in 1986,
peaking at No 2.
Toy Boy (1987) reached No 4, Cross My Broken Heart (1988) got to No 6 and
Right Back Where We Started From (1989) peaked at No 4. GTO, Don’t Believe
In Miracles and Love On A Mountain Top were all top 30 hits.