DANNIELLA Westbrook has started taking cocaine again.
She has used the drug for the last four months — and even had SEX
with her dealer.
The former EastEnders star revealed exclusively to The Sun on Sunday her
shocking cocaine relapse and admitted: “I’m super ashamed.”
The mother of two — who became Britain’s most notorious drug addict when she
lost her septum in 2000 — revealed that she has been snorting the drug for
four months, most recently last week.
She has tearfully confessed her slip to her mum and two children.
And she fears she could die in weeks if she doesn’t kick the habit.
TV star Danniella, 40 — who has ended her relationship with cage fighter Tom
Richards, 24 — started her slide when she snorted three lines in a club in
Magaluf in April.
She told The Sun on Sunday: “I was out in Spain with Tom and we had a massive
argument after his drink was spiked.
“He flew back and I was in the company of some people there. I was offered
coke and took it. It was there and I did it.
DANNIELLA:
I HAD SEX WITH MY DEALER IN MAGALUF – CLICK HERE
“I’m a drug addict. In that moment I thought – f*** it, I’m going to do it.”
“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was the wrong decision. I
should have known better.
“I took two or three lines. It wasn’t loads but it was three lines too many.”
In the late 1990s, Danniella was told she would die in two weeks if she
carried on her £400-a-day habit. She had rehab in Arizona and was clean for
12 years until April.
She continued: “After Magaluf I went back home and cried in the bathroom. I
thought about how I had thrown everything away.
“I was scared of being where I was and having two weeks to live.
“The most frightening thing was I didn’t think about it at all. I just f******
did it and that’s probably more scary than planning it.
“I felt like s*** about myself. At that moment it numbed me for a minute. The
next day I felt like crap and thought I was dirty and useless.
“I tried to forget everything that happened.”
Despite her regret Danniella ended up turning to the class A drug again.
She said the details were fuzzy of when and where she had done it.
She said: “The next time I was out somewhere in the UK and someone offered me
it.
“I don’t know and can’t remember. I know I’ve done it, though.
“It wasn’t a friend who gave it to me because none of my friends take drugs. I
don’t associate with people like that — they are normal grown-up people with
children.
“I would say I’ve taken it five to six times since. I’m not taking a lot —
I’ve never done more than a gram.
“The gap between the first time and doing it again was a long time.
“I thought I was fine because I didn’t wake up the next day and want any more.
It was typical addict behaviour. The addict in me lies.”
Her 1990s addiction led to her axing as EastEnders’ Sam Mitchell in 2000. Her
weight fell to 6st and she attempted suicide several times.
When her septum collapsed she was left with a gaping hole instead of two
nostrils. She later spent £20,000 on rebuilding her nose.
Looking back she said: “The first time I ever took cocaine I was 15. I had
never had a drink in my life and just did it.
“Everyone just naturally assumes I’m s***, I’m scum, I’m worthless.
“I’ve had a lot go on in the last year but it’s no excuse for picking up
drugs. I did it, I suppose at that moment, because I wanted to.”
In January she and second husband Kevin Jenkins, 46, announced they were
splitting after 12 years.
A month later her son Kai, 17, was held in a suspected drugs swoop. The
charges were later dropped.
In March she was burgled three times in a matter of weeks. And in June she
suffered a miscarriage.
She has also been downsizing ever since having to quit her £2.5million dream
home in 2010 after Kevin’s business was hit by the recession.
Danniella said every time she took cocaine in the last four months she was
heavily under the influence of alcohol, which she had initially given up 11
years ago.
She added: “When I started drinking again last year I thought I’d be fine. Not
in a million years did I think I’d go back to drugs — given what I know from
being in recovery.
“I was going out every two weeks on a Friday or Saturday night. I’m nearly 40
and I shouldn’t be going out. It’s not fun. I’m just fricking lonely. It was
just another way for me to run away from my problems.
“As long as the kids weren’t there that weekend I could go out and do
something.
“From living indoors all the time and leading a normal life, suddenly no one
was controlling me. It was false freedom.”
Money woes heaped more stress on her as she and the children moved to a
one-room bedsit.
She added: “I know it’s a build-up of stress but I’m not blaming what went on
because I’m sure at any point I could have turned round and said ‘No’.
“I have gone through all that s*** this year, like my son being arrested.
DANNIELLA:
I HAD SEX WITH MY DEALER IN MAGALUF – CLICK HERE
“That was even before I picked up drugs so what the hell was I thinking? This
is not setting a good example to him.”
Danniella realised she needed help and confided in mum Sue. She continued: “I
was in Spain again last week and saw the same person as I did before and I
was drinking.
“I took coke again. I’ve had a meltdown with it.
“I spoke to my mum two weeks ago. I told her I needed to be honest and
confessed I had relapsed.
“I think it broke Mum’s heart because she didn’t know what to say or do. She
was petrified I was going to be where I was before and that I’m going to
die. She has seen me come a long way.”
But Danniella admitted telling her children — Kai and 12-year-old Jody B — was
the hardest.
She said: “I’m the most ashamed that I could be to sit them down and tell them
that, after they nearly lost their mum 12 years ago to a drug addiction.
“It’s almost saying it wasn’t enough to be healthy and there with them.
“That is wrong and I’m ashamed because I’ve let them down more than anything.
I feel stupid.”
She also admits being terrified she could end up dead: “I’m really fricking
frightened, if I’m honest.
“I have been drinking for nearly a year and I know that I haven’t got a year
of taking drugs left in me — I haven’t got three months in me. Why would I
jeopardise everything? I have come such a long way.
“Whether it be a gram of coke — or an ounce like what I was taking at the
height of my addiction — to me it doesn’t matter.
“Whether it’s the size of a table or two lines, I’m a drug addict and I can’t
do it.
“I nearly died. It’s not a financial thing — it’s just the enormity of it.”
Danniella also sees getting the shameful secret off her chest as a positive.
She added: “I wanted to talk about it. In a way I’m relieved because I
probably wouldn’t have had another six months. You just don’t know the
outcome, do you?
“I just know that what I’ve done — and that I was doing last week — is
completely fricking wrong.
“I know where it could take me and I know where it was and I also know a lot
of people who aren’t here any more because of that.
“I have let my kids and everybody else down. As much as I’m super ashamed of
it, I’m relieved as well.”
Additional reporting: LYNN DAVIDSON