THE number of single women turning to sperm donors to have a baby has risen by a THIRD in the last year.
Research by London IVF clinic The Fertility and Gynaecology Academy has also found that fears over fertility have led to a 200-per-cent boom in the number of women having egg-count checks in the same period.
The clinic’s Dr Amin Gorgy told The Sun: “The most common reason for single women choosing to become mothers alone is that they have not managed to find Mr Right, and are not prepared to settle for Mr Ready.
“They’d rather go it alone, without the interference of a partner.
“This increase is due in part to the changing values of modern families — men are more reluctant about committing to start a family when they are younger, while women are conscious about breakdowns in relationships interrupting their hopes of having children.”
He added that women are increasingly aware of the link between their age and fertility potential, hence the stampede for egg-counting checks.
Many other clinics report the same phenomenon.
Dr Sue Ingamells, Medical Director of the Wessex Fertility IVF clinic in Southampton, said: “Fertility clinics are seeing so many more single women.
“We advise them to have counselling first. They can usually be treated by a process called intrauterine insemination, or IUI, using donor sperm prepared for fertility use. They will need to have investigations to check that their fallopian tubes are open, that they have a good egg supply and are in good health.
“If IUI fails, then they can proceed to the more expensive IVF process.”
Here we talk to four single women who opted to have a baby on their own terms.
— The Donor Conception Network offers help and support to people using sperm, egg or embryo donation to create or expand their family. See .
‘I had to get on as I risked early menopause with low egg count’
NINA HAMILTON, 34, from Exeter, Devon, is a vet on maternity leave with son Macaulay, who is four months old. Nina says:
“I always thought I would meet Mr Right and have a family, and never considered that might not happen in time.
But when an older friend decided to have a fertility test, I thought why wait until your late thirties to get assessed?
What if I was leaving it too long to conceive? I’m not prepared to settle for any old relationship – Mr Ready wouldn’t do, and having a one-night stand to get pregnant wasn’t my style. I booked myself in for a fertility check at the Lister Clinic in London. There I got such a shock – I was found to have a low egg count, and at risk of early menopause.
The clinic advised me that if I wanted a baby, I would need to get on with it while I still had good healthy eggs.
I could have frozen my eggs and waited, but the embryologist warned me this had a much lower chance of success. She described it as “an expensive insurance policy that probably won’t pay out”.
I talked to my family. One brother said it was a no-brainer. I wanted a baby and I may not have the luxury of waiting.
I could afford to support a child on my own and I’d have the love and support of my family.
My dad’s quite old-fashioned and I was worried what he would say, but he surprised me by being entirely in favour.
Why should I sit about waiting for Mr Right, and then reach my forties and be left childless? I was treated at the Lister Clinic, and first I tried IUI, the cheapest option at just £260.
When you are ovulating, sperm cells are simply inserted inside you, and nature takes its course.
I used the Xytex sperm bank, and found an American donor who looked similar to me and was apparently healthy. I was very lucky to get pregnant so quickly. My pregnancy was straightforward, but Macaulay came six weeks early – I went into town to get my hair cut and came back two weeks later with a baby.
It was stressful, because with him being early I wasn’t emotionally or practically prepared, and for the first couple of weeks he was fed through a feeding tube.
I kept looking at him and thinking, “You’re actually here and real, and I hope I’ll be enough for you”.
I had decided to live with my parents which has helped me so much. Mum sometimes helps me with the night feeds – in many ways I think I have it much easier than other women in these first few months who have to look after a husband too.
I’m hoping to get an au pair and live nearby when I go back to work. I’m talking to Macaulay already about his “donor” – I use the word donor rather than “dad”. It’s so important I am honest with him about how he was conceived, and I want him to grow up thinking it is quite normal, and that he is very much loved and wanted.
I’ll be delighted if he decided to try to trace his biological donor. I haven’t given up on meeting Mr Right, but just in case, I have five vials of donor sperm stored, which cost me several thousand pounds to buy but – as long as I have eggs left – they are potentially a little brother or sister one day.”
‘I’d longed for kids but hadn’t met Mr Right’
VICTORIA OAKEY, 30, is a teacher who lives in Southampton with her son Alfie, five months. Victoria says:
“Two years ago I sat down and had a serious chat with myself. I’ve always longed to have children but was not meeting the right man.
I felt I was treading water and if I wasn’t careful I could waste my prime baby years on a series of relationships that didn’t go anywhere.
I knew financially it would be a struggle to bring up a child on my own, as I was going to be the sole breadwinner. But I worked out that if I lived really frugally, I could just about afford it. I’ve always been very independent and I have very supportive friends and family.
I told my mum, dad and step-mum what I was planning and none of them were surprised. I was ready to have a baby – I couldn’t just wait around to meet the right guy.
I signed up for treatment with Wessex Fertility and had three rounds of IUI, which is less invasive but also less certain than IVF. The chance of success is about 15 to 30 per cent.
All three rounds of IUI failed so I then embarked on IVF.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon. I had achieved my ultimate dream. Early pregnancy was exhausting and I had some complications but my friends and family were great. One of my closest friends, Emma, shared the birth experience with me.
I’m lucky Alfie is such a lovely, happy baby. Being a single parent is tough but I wouldn’t change this for the world. I’m not back at work yet and I’ve joined a great NCT group.
Life is wonderful with Alfie and we are a very happy little family. I’ve still got four frozen embryos and I would love to give Alfie a sibling. I don’t need to wait for the right man.”
‘I just felt so desperate… but time was running out’
SALLY COWLING, 41, lives in Crouch End, North London, and works as a practice nurse. Her son Sonny is two. She says:
“When I told my family I had decided to have a baby on my own my father sent me a lovely email, saying he was so pleased as he knew I would make a wonderful mother.
I’d always wanted children and had been in a long-term relationship but when that finished I tried internet dating for a while, very unsuccessfully.
I have three brothers, all with partners, and when my third brother announced his partner was pregnant I thought, “That’s it – I am desperate to have a child and time is running out”.
I went to a meeting at the London Women’s Clinic in Harley Street for women contemplating single motherhood. The room was packed. I had to pay for a fertility consultation and a scan to make sure my ovaries were in good order, which cost about £150.
Hilariously, my first proposed donor came from a shortlist of four I had drawn up, and was chosen by my friends during dinner.
But I found a fifth at the last minute through the London Sperm Bank, and chose him because he was British.
There is a very limited supply of UK donors and I selected physical appearances similar to my own family’s – tall, brown eyes and olive skin.
The sperm cost me £850. I was then given hormones to stimulate my ovaries, and told I had one big juicy follicle. The sperm was inserted and I had two weeks of feeling incredibly anxious until I was told I was pregnant.
I burst into tears on one of my brothers. I was so lucky as my parents paid for some of my treatment, which cost £1,200.
I had a lot of sickness during my pregnancy and I did have low moods. As with any expectant mothers, suddenly the responsibility of creating a new life begins to sink in.
I was daunted by the prospect of bringing up a child on my own and worried about money. Three close friends were my birthing partners and the minute Sonny arrived I fell instantly in love with him.
Worrying about childcare, I thought about moving back up north to be near my parents in Yorkshire but most of my friends and my life is in London. I live with a flatmate, and she’s a great help.
But Sonny hasn’t been a good sleeper and he’s a naughty toddler so I am flat out.
I work part-time, and there are moments when I think, “If only I had a partner” as I have to make all the decisions myself.
Already Sonny is saying the word “Daddy”. I say, “You don’t have a daddy, you have a mummy and lots of people who love you”.
I’m very honest with him. I’d love to have another child, but it would be a struggle for me, financially. I never regret for a moment what I have done. I adore him.”
‘I honestly don’t find it difficult at all’
WRITER Jessica McCallin, 41, lives in Camberwell, South London, with her daughter Freya, four. She says:
“I was 32 when the idea first came to me to have a child on my own. I’d had a number of on-off relationships and it dawned on me that if I wanted a child, I didn’t have to be in a relationship.
Families come in so many shapes and sizes, I don’t think there will be any stigma at school.
There are so many single mums and children of gay parents at Freya’s school.
I did wonder how I would manage and I examined what it would mean to my child. My mum’s a child psychologist and I was doing a psychology degree at the time, so I had lots of advice but the most important thing is to give your child a stable, loving home.
When she turned four, Freya started asking: “Where is my daddy?” I said: “You don’t have a daddy, you have a donor.”
I have several brilliant books for children that explain in very simple language about eggs in mummy’s tummy and sperm. As she gets older, I will gradually add layers of complexity.
I love being a single mum. I make all the major decisions about her and I honestly don’t find it difficult at all. The only thing I would like to share is the joy of having such a wonderful child.
A friend told me about the Danish sperm bank and how there are plenty of donors available. I look Scandinavian so when I was 36, I took the plunge and booked myself into a Danish clinic.
The IUI treatment was so simple – the sperm cells were inserted using a tiny tube and it was all over in five minutes. It cost £480 for the sperm and I was pregnant straight away.
I’m so lucky in that mum helps me with childcare when Freya isn’t at school. I’m now part of a group of women who are “single mothers by choice” and I’ve joined a website called Seed Siblings, in which donor children can link up with half-brothers and sisters around the world.”
Should I get eggs checked?
THE number of single women choosing to have egg-counting checks has risen by 200 per cent in the past five years – but do you need to have YOUR fertility tested?
— Experts say a woman’s reserves of eggs start to decline sharply from around the age of 35.
— Checks at private clinics can cost from between £180 and £350, with any further consultations adding to the outlay.
— The checks assess a woman’s “ovarian reserve”. The average woman is born with up to two million eggs, but by age 35 this has declined to 30,000.
— Doctors advise women to have an egg-counting check before the age of 35 if they have never been pregnant.
— The average age of single women now having a check has fallen from 37 to 33.
— The test will flag up potential problems such as polycystic ovaries, low egg count and blocked fallopian tubes.
— Testing normally comprises two elements – an ultrasound scan to check the follicle count in the ovaries and a blood test to check hormone levels.
— While the test aims to reveal the health of a woman’s eggs and the potential success of fertility treatment, experts warn that the test is only a “snapshot” and that fertility remains essentially unpredictable.
— 42,721 women had fertility treatment in 2012-13 — of these, 1,015 had no registered partners.